Fairy tale

When we were little, we talked among each other, “given a choice, you want to be a boy? Or girl?”. Some girls say, “boy! Because a boy doesn’t need to deliver a baby, my mom told me it’s really painful!”

When I am grown up, we talked among each other, “when one day, you get married and give born to a baby, do you want a baby boy or girl?”

“Hmm … I think I will really love my husband, so I want a boy, to watch his childhood again. The boy will resemble the one I love, then I will see the little one and the big one play together and bully the mom – me! Imagine, this is a lovely scene.

“Yeah, I have already conceived of some lovely names for the kids … just that the surname does change.”

When I am grown further, we talked among each other, “Is getting married and bearing kids part of the life path that everyone must go through?”

“I am ok if I don’t get married. I will be fine if I don’t have my own kids; but I hope I will have.”

If I have a kid then, … “my child, mom will bring you to travel around, and you will learn the best from natural setting, it’s perfectly fine if you don’t do well in formal education, can you hear the sound of wind? Can you hear the sparrows twittering? These made up the best symphony for you. ”

“That day you argued with our neighbour kid, you insisted that sun is closer to us in the morning because it was bigger in the morning and turns smaller as day goes by; but the neighbour kid insisted that sun is further to us in the morning because it was cool in the morning and the heat increases only when day goes by. Your mom was speechless and she got your dad to come and intervene :) ” "but who is your dad? :P "

“You don’t have to do well in studies, what I want from you is to be kind-hearted and happy always. Don’t get upset when you get hurt .. you will be fine.”

I am curious for my future. I guess if I am still by myself when I grow older, maybe I will end up staying in an isolated rural village, with the village kids, old folks … and spend the rest of my life.

P/S: I must admit that I am quite capable in daydreaming.

Can you let go of your past?

Is there reincarnation? I do believe there is. Let’s not go into questioning about its existence now, in fact, isn’t everything in the universe going in a recurrent process of birth and death, to grow and perish? Again and again, even if it is totally gone, I’d rather believe that it switches to exist in another deviate form, or turns into being in “nothingness” with a lurked potential of rebirth to evolve.

Let’s forget about matters before birth and after death. I regard this present life as being divided into various phases of a cycle. Physiological development marks different stages of life in progressing form; changes in thinking system and affectionate content can be deemed as spiritual reformation, to certain extent.

If there is really reincarnation, then the merit would be to get one regenerates his life or to be reborn, more precisely, to be able to rely on a new body, forsake those sinful history and bad habits ever, only if one forgets about the past and its accompanied encumbrance, he can recreate the life he belongs to.

Sometimes, it is common that our mind and action isn’t consistent to our will; the more you want to let it go, the harder you are to let go of it; the more you wish to hold it tight, the more shaky your hand is and you can’t grasp it..

Those unpleasant past impede your progress, and you still exist in this impure world with a myriad temptations - those human factors and the environment around, repeatedly remind you of your past. The more you want to forget, the more you remember. It seems that the only way to reform, is to apply a brand new shell of body, be bestowed a new life.

We are mediocre; we find the invisible world not detectable, so at this moment, what is crucial at least is to manage rightfully the present life with your goodwill, even if the polluted external world remains unchanged, even if the harm caused from your past has become an irreversible wound.

…………………………………………………………….

Actually I really hope you can forgo those unpleasant past and step forward to your reformation. I do really hope that you don’t adapt the existing and deeply ingrained self-concept to constrain your predestination. Actually I think you can do it. I know you’ve been feeling troubled, but what about your willpower? If you wish, you can try to listen to your heart; you can try to grant a meaningfulness to interpret your new life.

If now you are not you, you’re given a chance to freely delineate your ideal image, do you see the real self that you long to be? You keep visualizing, perhaps one day, you get more and more syncretic with the ideal self with such a harmony!

Those who erred, those who got hurt, those who suffered mentally, those who’ve wasted time in unexamined lives, can they reform? And, when they are so much longing for a new life, can we put aside our prejudice towards them? Shall we not apply our very personal, judgemental view on them?

轮回与今生浅谈

姑且不去争论有没有轮回这一事，其实天地万物何不都在灭了又生、生了又灭？生生息息，即使亡了，而后也可能是换了另一种形式存在，或者在无的状态下埋伏着重生的因子。

不说生以前、死之后的事，其实你也可把人的此生看作多个循环阶段，生理机构上的进化改变标本着从形式上而言的人生不同阶段，思想系统和情义认知的改变乃是人的灵魂上某种程度上的转换。

我是相信有轮回的，虽然有人不信。如果真有轮回之事，那么轮回之妙在于，人可以重获新生，更重要的是，可以仰赖一副新的躯体，丢弃曾有的罪业习气，只有完全忘了过去种种所带来的负累，人才能重新创造自己的人生。

是这样的，我们有时候身不由己，念不由己。想放下的、不堪的、阻碍你前进的过去缠绕着你的念头，而你的身，依旧处在这似乎污染依旧的尘世，周遭的人为因素与环境，在在提醒着你的过去。你越想放下，却越放不下。看来唯有套用另一个躯体，被赐予另一个生命，你才真正能够重生。

凡夫如我们，无法探索前世来生的世界，那么眼前的，就是处理好这一生了。你信不信轮回都好，你都要试着把这一生操之于手，即使外在的花花世界不变，即使尘世的习气依旧浑浊，即使过去对你的伤害已成了你不可撤回的烙印。

其实我多么希望你可以抛开过去的包袱，重新做人。我多么希望你不以既定的、牢不可破的自我概念来束缚着自己的造化。其实，我觉得你可以的。我知道身边的人与事，环境的缠绕让你放不下过去，那么，你的自我意念呢，只要你愿意，你可以试试看清你的心，你可以试着赐予自己的生命重新的意义。

假设你不是你，我让你任意在梦境里、脑海里描绘你心目中理想的自己的意象，你看到那个真正想要成为的自己吗？你一直这样观想啊观想，说不定后来有一天，你真的和那个理想自我越来越融合了，世间的纷纷扰扰，你也会坦然看之，因为你是那多么圆融的个体啊。

那些犯过错的人，那些受过情伤的人，那些受过心理创伤的人，那些曾经浑噩度日的人，那些伤过他人的人；你们可以重生吗？我们，在他们渴望重生的时候，可不可以不让他们的过去被我们的偏见、己见诠译，而后套在他们的身上？

One’s expectation hurts the other

We are social animals; people perceive us that way, and that is how we portray ourselves to the outside world, to some extent.

The drinker wants to stop binge drinking, but one day, late night though, even when he comes home in a sober state, his wife throws out such words, “I know! You must have drunk a lot! Simply useless! Wimp!” So out of resentment towards the mistrust from his dear one, he really goes out to drink.

I watched a movie (Wong Kar Wai’s 2046). The girl in the movie fell into a sex relationship with the guy and she did really love him. Everyday after they had sex, he would leave her a cash note without giving good reasoning for doing so. The girl kept the notes in a box, cherished them and counted them to know how many nights they had spent together. Until a day the guy had enough of such superficial relationship, he ceased all sorts of interaction with the girl. He gave her money, he indicated that their relationship is merely a transaction and she only needed money from that. The girl laughed decadently, her heart bled but she just accepted the money, more money.

How a child ends up to be is also determined by the parents’ expectation towards him/her … I suppose.

To protect one's dignity, why do people still act in the way people think they are? Why the drinker continues to drink? Why not the girl throws all the cash notes back to the guy? Are they are losing the “self”, conforming to others’ expectation?

In the other extreme case, one ended up committing suicide partly as a result of being triggered by someone’s intriguing words. The close one expected that he wouldn’t dare enough to take the final road to ruin his life, but who knows, he tragically acted against other’s expectation and proved others wrong.

Do you have faith on the other who wants to make a change on himself/herself? We don’t know the outcome of this person’s effort.....I always believe that there’s no force to determine the future but it is the present doing to fix the future. If you anticipate a negative outcome and give awful feedback on someone’s next action, chances are he will get frustrated by your mistrust and remains a wrongdoing, or he may be triggered to act against you and do a good one to prove himself. Hmm .. but if you always have a goodwill towards that person, assume his capability to make a substantial change, I don’t see much possibility of his purposeful action doing the undesirable due to you.

We really don’t understand enough the person in front of us, his personality may set him into going through a rather predetermined route, but still, his future is yet to be determined, as long as he develops a wilful intention to change, don’t assume subjectively on how thing is gonna be for someone especially by assuming negatively.

目标和成功

我是一个很没有目标的人。

据算命师说，我三十岁以前都误打误撞，没有人生目标地过活，其实人生规划真的那么重要吗?这阶段是摸索的，任何事皆愿意放胆尝试的。

像我这种人，怎可能时时刻刻都清楚自己要的是什么、下一步怎么走?

我只希望一直都有事做，没事做会让我超不耐烦，而且一直有新奇的事让我去发掘。

有些人从一开始就清楚自己那单一的专长和喜好，心无旁骛地就一直往这条路走下去，恰好他周遭的环境也很容许他这么做，恰恰他处于的现实社会正需要他这方面的专长。可悲也可喜的是，我不是这种人。

可悲的是，我会经常感到一点的怀才不遇，然而我没资格这么想，因为我也不清楚自己有何才，即使在做工，还偶尔会感到自己的价值观和整个社会的有出入。他们看我从未为自己设下目标，似乎浑浑噩噩似的。

可喜的是，我对那充满无限可能的未来有着憧憬，我相信现在只是时不予我，这世界上大器晚成之士大有人在。我没有目标，因为我正在摸索着自己未被开发的潜能，我还没被定型，比起已经定型的了，我具有的伸缩性更大。见步行步吧，我有一天会找到答案的。

后来我发现，无奈的迷惘和对未知的期待只是一线之差。

Blog writing

I used to write every personal thing of myself in my msn space but msn announced that such service will be withdrawn, and I find that I will feel sad to let all those blog entries gone, somehow I am just so fond of reading what have been written previously.

Okay, from now onwards, will use this blog, put everything into here where it used to be meant for travel stuff only.

Overly Delayed updates .........

Back to home. Committed to something (Besides some serious stuff, social meetings, days spent with my beloved family, I need to devote some time for daydreaming). I should have recorded down my travel in a nice, orderly manner for future reminiscence but I am committed to something right now. Never mind, my memory is very good in taking things meant to be remembered. Never mind, travel is something very personal, along the journey, only I know how the place I visited and the person I met meant to me. People you’ve met, places you’ve visited and all the encounters you’ve had made up your personal travel log which is a unique one.

When I have no time to record things in words, when I couldn't catch the scenes into my camera, I knew I have stored them in my mind.

....................................until mid-2011.

当我没时间用文字记录旅程，当我来不及用照相机摄景捕影，我知道我已经将所有的这些烙印在脑海了。

A Walk, a Talk, a Thought

In a fast-paced city, rarely do we have a chance to slow down and look into ourselves from within.

Being away from the places I am familiar with to New Zealand, it means a lot to me. Well, this is the first European country I’ve been to, and when you are plumped into a new place, that implies a certain degree of unlearning about the practicability of one’s own culture, letting go of the social status, material possession, a stuck relationship or situation when you are in your own country. You are just about to start a new journey and to learn and view the world from a different perspective. It can be insightful yet exciting!

Throughout my 6-months working holiday in New Zealand, I spent the most of my time in Franz Josef for about 4 months. Why I was here for that long? Haha, I’ve never planned for anything and it just happened that I have a “special connection” with this place? I was blown to here and stayed till mid autumn.

I love to walk around Franz Josef. Sometimes, I walked alone, sometimes, with a friend. When I am alone, I usually indulged myself in gazing at the glacier, feeling the natural surrounding, the gentle breeze, and then I would have a pleasing conversation to myself. I walked with my preferred pace and dreamt about the desired.

When I was with a friend, I did enjoy the way we walked together and although some people just don’t talk much to you, but you would cherish the chance to walk alongside with someone and appreciate this acquaintance.

Shan is the Hong Kong girl whom I had most of the non-solitary walks with in Franz Josef. She is few years older than me and she is about to be a full-time roamer. We talked about life, love, the interpersonal relationship we had in the situational drama of Franz Josef Scenic Hotel, etc while walking along the farm road behind our lodge that gives us another stunning view of glacial mountains.

I remember how we talked about love, I mean the romantic relationship of a couple. There is a saying, there are two things a couple should do before they decide to tie the knot: one is to cohabit, to stay together, the second is to travel together. One is to test the couple in dealing with the certainty (seeing your mate’s unchanged temperament) in life while the other is to test their ability to face the uncertainties together in life.

To stay together, you get to know each other better in term of his or her character, predisposition of likes and dislikes in daily activities, his or her habit and so on. It’s not merely about having temporal fun while hanging out with him or her nor the first infatuated impression when meeting him or her. To travel together, it is another challenge to face. As the relationship proceeds, there might be some unexpected obstacles that happen. If those happen, are you going to hold her hand still to tackle all the undesirable things? Will you be able to tolerate or compromise when she has severe disagreement with you? When both of you started to have different agenda and different destinations to go, will you two calm down and sort these out?

.................. I am 25, still enjoy being free and solitude is a state when I am most truthful to myself. People come in and out and pass me by, some stay silently for me, some leave unnoticed, my heart is drifting, so I am still a little uncertain :)

我喜欢离别 I like *Separation

I like separation, I like the intense feeling that developed only when you were about to leave. We only learnt to cherish each other at that moment.

我喜欢别离，因为唯有在离别之时，我们才会显得比过往更珍惜彼此。从来对离别之愁没有很深的感受，反倒是对那份离别时浓得化不开的情感感触极深。至于和你不怎么在乎的人的“离别”呢，呵呵，那何来离别之说？因为你们都貌合神离，本来就不曾实质上地在一起过。因此我真正喜欢的，是和自己在乎的人的离别。

那时候，离别之时，我们可能是比往常多话，更多了些以往不会轻易说出来的心底话；也可能，我们无言胜有言，只是默默地感受那离别的气氛，或是默默地望着对方，或是以拥抱来诉说千言万语；再可能，我们或许闻到了空气中的离别之愁，而为了化解那份伤感，不知是有意还是无意地拼命说些废话。不管怎么样，我们唯有到离别时才知道，原来我们之间的情谊是如此美好的，因此我有点舍不得你走，因此那一刻，我多么希望往后或许会和我疏于联络的你会一直过得好好的，心中突然有好多好多对你的祝福涌上来。

人是很奇怪的，平常和你一起吃喝玩乐都习惯了，和你一起聊个天花乱坠已是家常便饭，感觉日子一天一天这样，没什么特别，只有在你要走的时候，我才认清自己以后得从生活中将一部分的你给抽离的事实，虽然另一部分的你还是能够存在在我思念的记忆里，可我一想到我们要分开了，感觉就有点纠结，似乎因以前对你不够好而感到遗憾，又或者后悔来不及好好了解你。

或许以后我们会少了联系，而多了思念；也或许我们会少了联系，亦少了挂念而逐渐淡忘彼此；再或许我们会因思念而多了联系。不管怎么样，你我都知道，未来的路上，大家会遇到好多人，他们或许和我擦肩而过，或许在下一刻变成我的朋友或知己，一直陪伴我的身边人或许是那个新认识的他。而过往的你呢，在我心目中的地位或许因为这些人的出现而稍微有了变动，可我记忆中善良可爱的你从来没变过。

我还是很喜欢和怀念那一刻围绕在我们离别之时的浓浓情感。