Sunday, October 24, 2010

轮回与今生浅谈

姑且不去争论有没有轮回这一事,其实天地万物何不都在灭了又生、生了又灭?生生息息,即使亡了,而后也可能是换了另一种形式存在,或者在无的状态下埋伏着重生的因子。

不说生以前、死之后的事,其实你也可把人的此生看作多个循环阶段,生理机构上的进化改变标本着从形式上而言的人生不同阶段,思想系统和情义认知的改变乃是人的灵魂上某种程度上的转换。

我是相信有轮回的,虽然有人不信。如果真有轮回之事,那么轮回之妙在于,人可以重获新生,更重要的是,可以仰赖一副新的躯体,丢弃曾有的罪业习气,只有完全忘了过去种种所带来的负累,人才能重新创造自己的人生。

是这样的,我们有时候身不由己,念不由己。想放下的、不堪的、阻碍你前进的过去缠绕着你的念头,而你的身,依旧处在这似乎污染依旧的尘世,周遭的人为因素与环境,在在提醒着你的过去。你越想放下,却越放不下。看来唯有套用另一个躯体,被赐予另一个生命,你才真正能够重生。

凡夫如我们,无法探索前世来生的世界,那么眼前的,就是处理好这一生了。你信不信轮回都好,你都要试着把这一生操之于手,即使外在的花花世界不变,即使尘世的习气依旧浑浊,即使过去对你的伤害已成了你不可撤回的烙印。

其实我多么希望你可以抛开过去的包袱,重新做人。我多么希望你不以既定的、牢不可破的自我概念来束缚着自己的造化。其实,我觉得你可以的。我知道身边的人与事,环境的缠绕让你放不下过去,那么,你的自我意念呢,只要你愿意,你可以试试看清你的心,你可以试着赐予自己的生命重新的意义。

假设你不是你,我让你任意在梦境里、脑海里描绘你心目中理想的自己的意象,你看到那个真正想要成为的自己吗?你一直这样观想啊观想,说不定后来有一天,你真的和那个理想自我越来越融合了,世间的纷纷扰扰,你也会坦然看之,因为你是那多么圆融的个体啊。

那些犯过错的人,那些受过情伤的人,那些受过心理创伤的人,那些曾经浑噩度日的人,那些伤过他人的人;你们可以重生吗?我们,在他们渴望重生的时候,可不可以不让他们的过去被我们的偏见、己见诠译,而后套在他们的身上?

Thursday, September 16, 2010

One’s expectation hurts the other

We are social animals; people perceive us that way, and that is how we portray ourselves to the outside world, to some extent.

The drinker wants to stop binge drinking, but one day, late night though, even when he comes home in a sober state, his wife throws out such words, “I know! You must have drunk a lot! Simply useless! Wimp!” So out of resentment towards the mistrust from his dear one, he really goes out to drink.

I watched a movie (Wong Kar Wai’s 2046). The girl in the movie fell into a sex relationship with the guy and she did really love him. Everyday after they had sex, he would leave her a cash note without giving good reasoning for doing so. The girl kept the notes in a box, cherished them and counted them to know how many nights they had spent together. Until a day the guy had enough of such superficial relationship, he ceased all sorts of interaction with the girl. He gave her money, he indicated that their relationship is merely a transaction and she only needed money from that. The girl laughed decadently, her heart bled but she just accepted the money, more money.

How a child ends up to be is also determined by the parents’ expectation towards him/her … I suppose.

To protect one's dignity, why do people still act in the way people think they are? Why the drinker continues to drink? Why not the girl throws all the cash notes back to the guy? Are they are losing the “self”, conforming to others’ expectation?

In the other extreme case, one ended up committing suicide partly as a result of being triggered by someone’s intriguing words. The close one expected that he wouldn’t dare enough to take the final road to ruin his life, but who knows, he tragically acted against other’s expectation and proved others wrong.

Do you have faith on the other who wants to make a change on himself/herself? We don’t know the outcome of this person’s effort.....I always believe that there’s no force to determine the future but it is the present doing to fix the future. If you anticipate a negative outcome and give awful feedback on someone’s next action, chances are he will get frustrated by your mistrust and remains a wrongdoing, or he may be triggered to act against you and do a good one to prove himself. Hmm .. but if you always have a goodwill towards that person, assume his capability to make a substantial change, I don’t see much possibility of his purposeful action doing the undesirable due to you.

We really dont understand enough the person in front of us, his personality may set him into going through a rather predetermined route, but still, his future is yet to be determined, as long as he develops a wilful intention to change, don’t assume subjectively on how thing is gonna be for someone especially by assuming negatively.

Monday, September 13, 2010

目标和成功

我是一个很没有目标的人。

据算命师说,我三十岁以前都误打误撞,没有人生目标地过活,其实人生规划真的那么重要吗?这阶段是摸索的,任何事皆愿意放胆尝试的。

像我这种人,怎可能时时刻刻都清楚自己要的是什么、下一步怎么走?

我只希望一直都有事做,没事做会让我超不耐烦,而且一直有新奇的事让我去发掘。

有些人从一开始就清楚自己那单一的专长和喜好,心无旁骛地就一直往这条路走下去,恰好他周遭的环境也很容许他这么做,恰恰他处于的现实社会正需要他这方面的专长。可悲也可喜的是,我不是这种人。

可悲的是,我会经常感到一点的怀才不遇,然而我没资格这么想,因为我也不清楚自己有何才,即使在做工,还偶尔会感到自己的价值观和整个社会的有出入。他们看我从未为自己设下目标,似乎浑浑噩噩似的。

可喜的是,我对那充满无限可能的未来有着憧憬,我相信现在只是时不予我,这世界上大器晚成之士大有人在。我没有目标,因为我正在摸索着自己未被开发的潜能,我还没被定型,比起已经定型的了,我具有的伸缩性更大。见步行步吧,我有一天会找到答案的。

后来我发现,无奈的迷惘和对未知的期待只是一线之差。

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Blog writing

I used to write every personal thing of myself in my msn space but msn announced that such service will be withdrawn, and I find that I will feel sad to let all those blog entries gone, somehow I am just so fond of reading what have been written previously.

Okay, from now onwards, will use this blog, put everything into here where it used to be meant for travel stuff only.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Overly Delayed updates .........

Back to home. Committed to something (Besides some serious stuff, social meetings, days spent with my beloved family, I need to devote some time for daydreaming). I should have recorded down my travel in a nice, orderly manner for future reminiscence but I am committed to something right now. Never mind, my memory is very good in taking things meant to be remembered. Never mind, travel is something very personal, along the journey, only I know how the place I visited and the person I met meant to me. People you’ve met, places you’ve visited and all the encounters you’ve had made up your personal travel log which is a unique one.

When I have no time to record things in words, when I couldn't catch the scenes into my camera, I knew I have stored them in my mind.

....................................until mid-2011.

当我没时间用文字记录旅程,当我来不及用照相机摄景捕影,我知道我已经将所有的这些烙印在脑海了。

A Walk, a Talk, a Thought





In a fast-paced city, rarely do we have a chance to slow down and look into ourselves from within.

Being away from the places I am familiar with to New Zealand, it means a lot to me. Well, this is the first European country I’ve been to, and when you are plumped into a new place, that implies a certain degree of unlearning about the practicability of one’s own culture, letting go of the social status, material possession, a stuck relationship or situation when you are in your own country. You are just about to start a new journey and to learn and view the world from a different perspective. It can be insightful yet exciting!

Throughout my 6-months working holiday in New Zealand, I spent the most of my time in Franz Josef for about 4 months. Why I was here for that long? Haha, I’ve never planned for anything and it just happened that I have a “special connection” with this place? I was blown to here and stayed till mid autumn.

I love to walk around Franz Josef. Sometimes, I walked alone, sometimes, with a friend. When I am alone, I usually indulged myself in gazing at the glacier, feeling the natural surrounding, the gentle breeze, and then I would have a pleasing conversation to myself. I walked with my preferred pace and dreamt about the desired.

When I was with a friend, I did enjoy the way we walked together and although some people just don’t talk much to you, but you would cherish the chance to walk alongside with someone and appreciate this acquaintance.

Shan is the Hong Kong girl whom I had most of the non-solitary walks with in Franz Josef. She is few years older than me and she is about to be a full-time roamer. We talked about life, love, the interpersonal relationship we had in the situational drama of Franz Josef Scenic Hotel, etc while walking along the farm road behind our lodge that gives us another stunning view of glacial mountains.

I remember how we talked about love, I mean the romantic relationship of a couple. There is a saying, there are two things a couple should do before they decide to tie the knot: one is to cohabit, to stay together, the second is to travel together. One is to test the couple in dealing with the certainty (seeing your mate’s unchanged temperament) in life while the other is to test their ability to face the uncertainties together in life.

To stay together, you get to know each other better in term of his or her character, predisposition of likes and dislikes in daily activities, his or her habit and so on. It’s not merely about having temporal fun while hanging out with him or her nor the first infatuated impression when meeting him or her. To travel together, it is another challenge to face. As the relationship proceeds, there might be some unexpected obstacles that happen. If those happen, are you going to hold her hand still to tackle all the undesirable things? Will you be able to tolerate or compromise when she has severe disagreement with you? When both of you started to have different agenda and different destinations to go, will you two calm down and sort these out?

.................. I am 25, still enjoy being free and solitude is a state when I am most truthful to myself. People come in and out and pass me by, some stay silently for me, some leave unnoticed, my heart is drifting, so I am still a little uncertain :)

我喜欢离别 I like *Separation

I like separation, I like the intense feeling that developed only when you were about to leave. We only learnt to cherish each other at that moment.

我喜欢别离,因为唯有在离别之时,我们才会显得比过往更珍惜彼此。从来对离别之愁没有很深的感受,反倒是对那份离别时浓得化不开的情感感触极深。至于和你不怎么在乎的人的“离别”呢,呵呵,那何来离别之说?因为你们都貌合神离,本来就不曾实质上地在一起过。因此我真正喜欢的,是和自己在乎的人的离别。

那时候,离别之时,我们可能是比往常多话,更多了些以往不会轻易说出来的心底话;也可能,我们无言胜有言,只是默默地感受那离别的气氛,或是默默地望着对方,或是以拥抱来诉说千言万语;再可能,我们或许闻到了空气中的离别之愁,而为了化解那份伤感,不知是有意还是无意地拼命说些废话。不管怎么样,我们唯有到离别时才知道,原来我们之间的情谊是如此美好的,因此我有点舍不得你走,因此那一刻,我多么希望往后或许会和我疏于联络的你会一直过得好好的,心中突然有好多好多对你的祝福涌上来。

人是很奇怪的,平常和你一起吃喝玩乐都习惯了,和你一起聊个天花乱坠已是家常便饭,感觉日子一天一天这样,没什么特别,只有在你要走的时候,我才认清自己以后得从生活中将一部分的你给抽离的事实,虽然另一部分的你还是能够存在在我思念的记忆里,可我一想到我们要分开了,感觉就有点纠结,似乎因以前对你不够好而感到遗憾,又或者后悔来不及好好了解你。

或许以后我们会少了联系,而多了思念;也或许我们会少了联系,亦少了挂念而逐渐淡忘彼此;再或许我们会因思念而多了联系。不管怎么样,你我都知道,未来的路上,大家会遇到好多人,他们或许和我擦肩而过,或许在下一刻变成我的朋友或知己,一直陪伴我的身边人或许是那个新认识的他。而过往的你呢,在我心目中的地位或许因为这些人的出现而稍微有了变动,可我记忆中善良可爱的你从来没变过。

我还是很喜欢和怀念那一刻围绕在我们离别之时的浓浓情感。

Monday, March 15, 2010

那年夏天,我们都浅尝一份爱

相识在夏天的某一夜,离别在冷冷的秋天之夜。

他走了以后,我依旧常在这我放置电脑上网的地方,望向窗外的酒吧间、撞球处,感觉像当时一样,期待他不经意地出现,再悄悄地看他和死党酌酒,或是很认真地以纯熟的技巧玩着撞球。他住在离我宿舍15分钟路程的市区街道,但他常来我们这里的公共酒吧,我就常常在等他来,通常都等到,但偶尔等不到。

他走了以后,餐厅工作间少了他的身影围绕在我身边,少了他喊我名字的声音,少了和一个人的眼波交流,我很不习惯。以前,我白天工作,晚上也去餐厅工作,平常人一定会嫌累的,但我体力好,一方面也很期待晚间在餐厅和他一起,所以我其实是很乐意到餐厅工作到11点多的,隔天7点多要起身上班也没关系,因为他。现在,他走了,我这样在餐厅间,似乎感到闷闷的。

记得第一天到餐厅,我懵懵懂懂的,老是低着头,静静地,还是他主动开口开始了我们的对话,而且还对我照顾有加,端盘子出去的时候,开门给我,顾客问些刁难的问题,替我回答。其实他很高大,刚开始我都不觉得他帅的,和他相比,我很矮,比较注意到他的啤酒肚,觉得他有点胖,脸上两颊的红红青春豆好明显,也许当时我还没有真正瞧过他的模样吧,我说过,我老是低着头,有时在餐厅发白日梦,都没有真正看过他一眼。

可是渐渐地,他老是在餐厅那儿向我眨眼,带有调情意味似地向我微笑,馋嘴的我偷吃时,再取笑我,偶尔脸贴得好近地跟我说话,我的心房,慢慢被攻破了。只是吩咐我准备楼下酒吧的餐具罢了,为什么要靠得那么近和我说话,脸和脸的距离只有三公分,我很害怕的,可是仍然睁大眼睛,故作若无其事,毫不抗拒地回望他,现在想起来,当时我的脑筋好像有点痴呆,话也说得也有点结巴。本来,我对我的英文名戴安娜没什么归属感的,会用它,只是方面自己在国外,洋人容易记得我的名字;可是,他喊我这名字喊得好动听,有时没事也在叫,我开始喜欢上我的英文名。

其实,近距离看他,他真的长得很好看,他那酒量好的印记之大肚腩其实为他增添了男人味。我跟在他身后端盘子出去,看着他高大的身影,我突然觉得很有安全感。和他相处了一回,还真觉得他有点大男人主义,可是也许就是这样而吸引了我。厨房有个黑鬼厨师很爱调戏我,他似乎看不惯,在我说任何话以前很快地就代替我回答那黑鬼问我的问题,“戴安娜很好,她都很好”,就这样打发了那厨师,那时候有一股暖流掠过我的心。

我的宿舍和位于市区的酒店与餐厅有一段距离,有时白天在酒店工作迟了,走回去宿舍洗澡再走出来会很赶,他家在市区,我就去他家洗澡了,这样就为我省下麻烦。那时候,他给了我他家的钥匙,我把他的钥匙一块锁入我宿舍的钥匙串,傻呼呼地看着这钥匙串笑了起来。但是其实我每次白天放工后到他家逗留的时间都很短,很快的晚间5点就得在餐厅报道嘛,虽只是那短短一刻的相处,我却已很开心了。有一次,他恰好没当餐厅的值,午睡到很迟,看他从房间出来,以一脸惺忪的样子和刚洗完澡出来的我打招呼,那时我突然觉得他的样子好有魅力。有一次,只有我和他在客厅独处,我们闲聊一番,再看着他很专注地看电视新闻,看网上足球新闻,客厅桌上有着一罐罐啤酒,他有点不好意思地向我说抱歉,因为他的客厅好乱。那时我多想替他整理打扫一番,其实身为一个女孩子,能够为一个人打扫家居,是很幸福的事,在你打扫的同时,你会很窝心地想,那个人会因你的举动而住得更舒适,那是一种为一个人付出的幸福感,只是我没这个福气了。

从相识到分离,只是短短的一个月多,可是因他的出现而产生的悸动,却叫我难以忘怀,即使在他走了以后的今天。第一天认识他的时候,他说过他会待在Franz Josef这里到旺季结束,和我一样,为了领红利,然后去皇后镇。可是没想到,有一天,他对我说他不久后得回英国,他家出事了,他是家中长子,母亲非要他回不可。那时候,我听到这消息,其实有点落寞的,只是我没表现出来。他还未确定几时回去,我常常看餐厅的值日表,希望他的名字一直出现,因为这表示他还没离开。

但,流浪许久的他,毕竟是得回去需要他的家的,他是长子,他有责任。我一直悄悄听他几时离去的消息,从餐厅老板口中,就是没问他,不作任何表示,直到确定他真的要走了,我才问他。
3月10日,晚间和他在餐厅工作,依照老板分配,他是应该到外头和客人点菜,招呼客人之类的,他也一向喜欢和客人聊天啊,呵呵,他就是这样,和客人聊到客人不走,我们这些员工迟放工,大家都气他那么健谈。可是这一天,我很不解,他主动要求和另一个侍应生换值,换成他在厨房处和我一起,难不成他喜欢厨房的油烟味啊? 我呢,一向来,除了送菜出去的时候,一直都待在厨房的。就这样,我和他一直在厨房,有了好多独处的机会,只是在凶巴巴的厨师面前,我们不能说话聊天,一方面有时候也不知道要聊什么吧,我不自然,啊,整晚就只有眼神交流。

3月11日,那是我们一起在餐厅工作的最后一天,他工作的最后一个星期,而在这星期,我接下来的几天都没当值。不重细节的他大概没发现这一点吧。记得那一晚,他少了平常的吊而郎当,眉宇间多了一丝忧虑,我想,他有些烦恼,担心着他的家人吧。

3月13日晚上,我在上网,11点了,看到他出现在吧台那听着音乐,我往前去,他见到我,对我微微一笑,放下耳机,我问他,是不是明天就走了,他说不是,他还有两天才离开Franz Josef。我这人很要面子又要讲矜持,我也是从来不踏足这公共酒吧的,但这次会进去是因为要找他,而我却死都不表现出来,假装是要进去找一个女性朋友,故意四处走走找她。我要走的时候,他突然叫住我,问,“我可以请你饮些什么吗?”我说“啊,明晚吧,我想睡了。”他再问我,明天有没有在餐厅工作,我说没有,他听了后的反应似乎看起来有点失望,正如有时我没去他家洗澡,他每次后来都会问,“你刚才没来我家吗?”其实他不知道,3月11日是我们最后一次一起在餐厅工作了。后来我就回房睡觉了,啊,可恶,怎么也睡不着,哎,早知我刚才就答应陪他一块饮酒啊,我反反复复在床上折腾了几小时,就是睡不着,真的很后悔,想要再出去酒吧,可是这样去找回他很怪啊,我觉得有点丢脸,而且他可能走了吧,我就在床上拼命骂自己,“傻婆!你是小孩子啊?要什么早睡早起!?晚睡一点会要你的命啊!??”越想越后悔,因为那晚只有他一人在酒吧,如果,如果真的和他一起坐着喝点什么的,就只有我们两个人独处,我们大有机会谈些更深入了解彼此的话题,而且当天酒吧的气氛比较静,真的很适合谈心,难保明晚这酒吧也会这样,要是他的兄弟党有在,我们就没机会独聊了,是的,我们缺乏独聊的机会,还有,他过两天就走了,剩下的时间越来越少了。

现在想起来,洋人男子在酒吧间主动向一个女子说要请她喝酒,其实此话也带有其他意思的;请你喝酒,我们就坐下来闲聊,你陪陪我,我陪陪你,一起喝,就我和你,把酒共饮,人生几何有此回。



3月14日,白天,我工作时好失魂,一是睡不够,二是心不在焉地懊恼着昨晚自己的失陪,三是忐忑不安地想着今晚他会不会来公共酒吧,就算来了,有没有只有我和他一块的机会。入夜,我一心想要去酒吧,可是我有不够胆一个人走进去,借故托一位女性友人,她也是要走了,我借她过桥,说什么我要和她饮酒送别的屁话,其实是想要她陪我一起去酒吧见他,他昨晚说过他今晚会来的。我这女性友人很磨时间,等到10点多,她才陪我去。进了酒吧,我失望了,当晚的酒吧异常热闹,像开派对似的,他身边就是有好多兄弟党。好吧,今晚我是没机会和他单独相处的,我也若无其事地享受当晚的派对,和不同异国人品酒谈笑风生,他也是这样,人多,我们只是偶尔对望罢了。后来听说他当晚玩疯了,和友人通通喝到烂醉如泥。总之,当晚我是异常失望,明晚他还会来吗?他后天就会启程去机场,前一晚他大概需要收拾行李吧?我越想越失落。

3月15日,晚上,如常,我边上网边等他过来,他会来吗?我一脸落寞,不时望向酒吧间,期待会突然看到他。11点,有几个人出现在撞球处,天很暗,我看不清楚,当中有没有他?一直看,啊,终于,我确定了,是他!那般帅气地打撞球,我没有看错,是他!幸亏他有来,不然3月13日晚的遗憾会伴随着我到很久很久的。可是现在就得烦着要以什么理由混进酒吧了,哎,我又没理由回去我的宿舍再找我的那位女性朋友陪我去,怎么办?我没有勇气,可是又想跟他道别,怎么办!?我以MSN和一位朋友说此事,她就一直鼓励我,也提醒我,要珍惜此刻,机会错过一次,怎么可能错过第二次,我当时失措得很,又想什么自己这样一个女孩子进去找他是不是很失仪态,我的MSN朋友看我这样,就一直给我壮胆,甚至还替我想好见到他要说的台词。

好了!不管了,我只知道,我这次不去,我会错过一辈子的,人家明天要走了。就这样,我假装路过,他的朋友在外头和我搭讪,我也有所回应,其实我的心思全在里头的他。他过后留意到我的出现了,我往前去,心跳得很快,很紧张,他和我聊了起来,他说他明早的巴士走,今晚是他在酒吧的最后一天了,在吧台,他请我喝酒,我们聊起家人,啊,他记得我告诉过他,我是家中最小的。我问他,是不是很期待回去,他说是,家里有事,他对家人有种挂念,妈妈哀求他回去,而我呢,其实也不想家,但家人想我。偶尔,虽然我望向别处,似乎感觉到他望我的眼神无处不在。我告诉他,我从未喝醉过,他一脸吃惊,虽然他喜欢喝酒,可是他语重心长地告诉我,酒精能毁灭你一生,我问他,“可是你不是喝上瘾了吗?”他笑说,回英国后,他会戒掉。那一刻,我真的觉得他是位绅士。


我向他道别之时,他在我毫无预计之下,贴近我的右脸颊吻了我,才跟我说再见,我当时的感觉好奇妙。他说,会在网上继续和我联络,通过面子书吧。只是轻轻的一个吻,没带有任何欲念,我感觉到的是一种浅浅的爱意,也包含一种疼惜、呵护妹妹似的情意,我不想忘记当时他吻我的神情,也深怕我会忘记。走路回宿舍的时候,我不自主地摸着脸颊,尤其是右手边的,有他吻过的痕迹。发烫的脸颊,是酒精使然,还是……?

直到我回房了,我还有有些异样,望着镜子,啊,脸和眼怎么红成这样?!惨了,难看死了,惨了,和他道别时也是这个模样吗?惨了,给他看到的最后一面是要漂漂亮亮的啊,怎么红成这样!唉。算了,躲进棉被想会周公,不用说,又是不眠之夜,手还是模着脸颊,刚才和他道别的画面不停地在脑中播放,那种感觉很奇妙,很甜吧,我傻呼呼地躲进棉被,嘴角还会不经意往上扬,情不自禁地失去控制了。我觉得好羞,只是一个小小一吻,却让我有如此反应,或许他是第一个我老爸以外吻过我的男子吧,加上就算是老爸的吻,也是我十一岁时老久以前的事了。隔天工作的时候,我一整天魂不守舍,样子看起来好像没睡醒,内心的澎湃还在,还在想着昨晚,一方面,我怕我会忘记,想着他的样子,我怕我会渐渐忘记他的样子,还有他望我的眼神。

最近Franz Josef的天气转凉了,他现在应该抵达英国了吧?我来纽西兰之前做梦都没想到自己会喜欢上一个异国人,而且还是英国人,因为对我而言,我就觉得英国人很无趣,老是使着所谓的绅士风度,有些也很自负,就好像我从电影<傲慢与偏见>里所见到的。可是这个他,对,就是有绅士风度,是很迷人的绅士风度。

我现在用休假天一直在用文字记录这一段似有若无的一段异国情,为了以后有回忆,我需要文字记录。我在想,其实这段情也正如临别的那个吻,蜻蜓点水而已,可是我不感遗憾,我只知道它给予我深刻的悸动,前所未有的感觉,难以说明是什么滋味,是甜的吧。有没结果不重要,我们都是两个不同世界的人,有缘漂泊到此地相识,已经很难得了。哎,我就是这样,浪漫感性得很,超乎现实,老是重感觉,幻想多多,有时我在想,我是不是在和我的幻想谈恋爱?而他,也是一个不讲现实的人吧,流浪许久,我们从来都不谈彼此在自己的国家是干什么的,这一点,其实我挺好奇的,可是我不问,直觉告诉我,他应该是很能干、很有才华的。

整个过程,其实我还挺懦弱退缩的,也难怪啊,我在这方面的经验近乎零,对方还是一个英国人,我只是一个很平凡的华人女子,我没办法有自信啊,而且我有点迷糊,对爱情的嗅觉不灵敏,需要很明了的暗示我才能确定一个人对我的情意,他是一个很有魅力的男人,所以我一直都在想,这样的男人,身边一定有好多女孩,他怎么可能看上我?确实,他很有风度,对每个人,包括身边所有异性都很好,所以我无论如何都告诉自己不要想太多,这障碍性的想法也让我忽视他对我稍微的不同。确实,这样的男子,叫我怎么有勇气靠近?

无论如何,他走了,我就当作发过这辈子最美的梦吧。这一切,似有若无,像在飘动的雾里看花,时而清晰,时而含糊,隔了一层,却也有其朦胧之美,何必看得如此彻底,我宁可陶醉其中,只在乎这刹那间的心动,那是美好的,不去想有没有结果,因为我觉得情感这回事很飘忽,硬要想个结果,就是很残忍地破坏所有美好的感觉和幻想,真的,我宁愿不要弄清楚他是不是真的喜欢我,虽然我相信他是对我有某种程度上的好感的,我宁可沉醉,珍惜此刻,也许我和他以后都另有所属,又或者我们在地球的另一个角落再度相遇,但这都不重要了,我只知道,我这一刻,是爱过的。

认识的另外两个马来西亚女孩,很投缘,她们也在纽西兰有过浅浅的爱恋,在异乡,也许当我们回国以后,生活如常以后,这一切都会结束,但这一年夏天所投入过的情感,遇过的人和发生过的事,或许会不其然地牵扯在我们生活的隙缝,想起来,你会笑得很甜的。

那年夏天,我们爱过;那年秋天,是离别时分,可是心中的暖意,不散。

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Heli-Hike at Franz Josef Glacier 乘直升机攀走于冰川之中

我这辈子,第一次近距离接触直升机,原来其引擎发出的噪音是那么响的;更令人雀跃的是,我要登上它直往冰川,再落冰行走攀顶了!
The very first time in my lifetime to see a helicopter such close, and so I know how vibrant and loud it was for the noise generated by its engine. The fantastic part is, I am going to take a ride in it and go up to the glacier! I will land on the ice up to the mountain!
好了,直升机放下我们,落地了。得为我的攀山靴子装上鞋底钉。Okay, so this was how we landed. I struggled to fix crampoon to my hiking boot here. 领队给我们一伙人讲解攀冰之行得注意的安全措施。The Heli-hike guide explained to all of us about the safety precautions to mind when walking on the glacier. 好,走吧,领队先生,辛苦你了,为我们开冰劈路。Okay! Let's go! Mr. Guide, thanks for your hard work, slash the ice and lead a path for us!
就指靠你的鬼斧劈工,化寒冰为小道了。So we're counting on your strokes of an axe, let's march on. She jumped! I caught her motion! She's the Germany girl who took the helicopter with me earlier on. :) 她飞身跃过!Hmm, it is getting hard to climb. 使劲攀山。
我看似神气,可是和那些洋人比较起来,我好想走得像企鹅似的,使力保持平衡啊,免得滑倒。This is me who is a little bit clumsy and usually got to walk like a penguin to avoid slippery.
“嘿!瞧见我吗?” "Harlow! Can you see me?"
白茫茫冰川之中,我是如此渺小。I am too little at this far-reaching glacier.
Melting. 融化中。
touching the ice, oh! it's really ice, crystal clear! 摸摸冰,感觉很新奇,真的是冰吔。

真的很壮观。It is truly a nature's masterpiece, we're just speechless to express our wonderment.
Oh! We've walked a distance, it was a little hard though for a short distance. 短短一段距离,可是走起来还挺吃力的。
好了,是时候乘直升机下去了,这里始终是属于大自然的。Ok, it's time to leave. This place belongs to the great nature.
That's a fine sunny day. The temperature is quite high, yet icy glacier is able to maintain its volume, its phenomenon strikes our curiousity. Oops, I am not good in Geography.

以前远远眺望冰川,我看到的像是白石啊,来之前也不知道冰川为何。远远看,仅是慨叹其特殊的面貌,现在才知道,冰川就是会移动的冰之河,以你肉眼看不到的速度无时无刻在流动着,为何会形成如此构造?真的很神奇!

I used to stare at glacier far away, for me, it was like a bunch of white rocks at the mountains. Before I came to Franz Josef, I didn't even know the meaning of "glacier", I got to check the dictionary. Look from far, I was only amazed by its unique appearence. Now only I knew, glacier is a moving icy river, it moves from time to time with a speed that is invisible to us. How on earth there is such structure? This is truly amazing!